To see or not to see

So here I am, back digging my conscience about dumping my blog and not seeing her in a long long time.  Sometimes all you needed a perspective and when you get it, you feel you are in control. To get the perspective one has to  stop at once and think  and spend some real good amount of time on it. For that is when you find out things that actually matter to you. I switched my job. Took a break before starting on new work and that is when I found myself. The corporate world is cunning. It sets on a race that has no real milestone. It only gives you an illusion of milestone and keeps feeding the consumer front of our real world. I am afraid that’s inevitable for a person who decides to spend his life in a so called society, holding up the social qualities and living by the code of ” This is how it is meant to be ” books. Thanks to civilisation. So this new job apparently leaves me with some extra time to spare on long abandoned hobbies. I owe that to the proximity of my work place to my house. Trust me. You’d wish you’re office was next door. (I hate to work from home if you thought work from home is even better a solution) . So I am back at strumming my old guitar and today I finally happened to think of my blog. I hope my blog will forgive me. The best way and perhaps the only way to make up to her is by gifting her a post on the eve of Diwali. ..Having relationship with a blog works out cheap economically doesn’t it ?…Anyways here it goes. The following paragraph will say the rest.

It was just another normal day at work. I left work by the dawn of the evening and pushed my bike from inside the parking lot and rode my way to house as usual. Nothing special about the day. And I was planning on catching up with Dexter series that I’ve been watching since a month now. And then do some work later at night. These were the thoughts running through my mind when I stopped at a traffic signal.  I started telling myself that I should probably consider leaving office a bit late to cut traffic and just then I saw one person standing by the road on the foot path staring at me like I owe him something. Something that perhaps I’ve stolen from him. Something he knows for sure that I have what he’s been looking for. I am not trying to improvise here for making this any dramatic to you fellow readers.  He really had this look in his eye that he recognized something that I seemed have robbed him of . I imagine that look even now and I see revenge in him as though he wants to avenge a murder of his loved one (Blame it on Dexter Morgan. I apparently saw that look ).  He was in rags.  Looked like a small time junkie or an ex-convict. I am putting it candidly here as I felt. No offense meant to people standing on the roadside in torn outfits.  For I have seen some well to do people sporting torn T-shirts and Jeans standing on the roadside calling on cabs.  Anyways I shook the thing off my head and looked straight anticipating that the light would turn green this very second. You guessed it right. It didn’t.

 

Now I see this guy walking up to me. Looking me in the eye as he does and he kept the eye contact intact. All that his eyes  are telling me is “Give it to me. Give it to me”. I pretended to ignore him. And just then another bike came and stopped next to me blocking his path towards me. I thanked my math teacher who taught me probability and statistics and comforted myself saying random processes are so full of shit.  But no. It was not random. He bypassed that bike and stood next to me. It didn’t seem any random to me now. It was as though it was in written in books that I confront someone who thinks I killed his wife. It was like a one time deterministic process that God had scheduled on me, just to have a bit of fun. Whatever it was that was happening to me then was certainly not pleasing. Last time I felt uncomfortable in public was when I was asked by a guy at bus stop if I wanted some “Maja” for the night.

Next. He started staring at my left thigh. He alternated his gaze on my left thigh and my eyes. I literally uttered “What the fuck!”,  but this guy continued to stare at my left thigh. (By the way I was in jeans and I don’t have tattoo on my thighs. You can stop smiling). I checked to see what is it that he is staring at. Turns out its my mobile.  Its shape was obvious and anybody could recognize that its a mobile. Still isn’t that a bit odd?  I kept asking myself if this guy has supernatural powers that will somehow teleport  my mobile from within my jeans pocket to his. It didn’t happen. Then I wondered if this is another gay episode and if this guy is attracted to me because I am unzipped. So I double checked that too and I was clean. So what the hell did this guy want? I had no damn clue. He kept staring and I kept wondering. Finally the traffic signal gave way.

You know there is a sissy girl in all of us ? No matter how manly you are ? So I stopped a little further on the road to check if my mobile was still there. I checked my wallet in the bag. Although practically impossible for him to cut into my bag, I just wanted to double check. For I have learned that these guys have the knack for it and can get their way around anything without you noticing. Check! The wallet was also there. I said to myself “I care no more” and rode my to the house.

I reached home. I parked my bike. I dropped my sandals (Yes. I wear chappal to work. That’s me!) and went straight to my room. I was about to lay my bag on the floor in my room and I saw something on my bag that mad me very very sad. It was a banana housed in the side pocket of my bag and this pocket is towards the left side of the bag. 😦

There happens to be a fruit seller near my office. He sells really pulpy, juicy, big bananas. They come at 10 bucks a pair. I bought a pair. Ate one and kept the other in my bag’s side pocket. Now we know what the guy really wanted. He wanted something we all want. He wanted something that some people are robbed off and he wanted something that by right belonged to him. And there I was, so cynical and insensitive wondering how he was going to mug me. Do I blame myself ?  Do I blame the system ? Do I blame the crime story crew ? I have no answere. Our value system is so degraded. I saw one side of the story and believed that it is all that is there to it. I really can’t think of anything as a root cause to such low morale in me. I think it’s the mental conditioning we all go through and our past experiences that render us so insensitive to the poor.

Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam was right. The real enemy is poverty. And the only weapon we should arm is education. I feel awful to pass the blame on the system for what I did. But if that guy had only asked or even pointed with fimgers towards banana, I didn’t need to be so sorry for myself. So such is our world. The world that is internal. The one that we have created for ourselves in our minds that seem to fit the “haves”. But lets be frank. We only need to choose “To see or not to see”.

 

 

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A beautiful mind.

I seek serenity; I am as human as you are

alien I may come along; still I am my own czar

I opt to take my way; what tallies to my inner core

lest in denial I rot, leading  ego to an utter sore


One looks in the mirror; to reassert his appeal

I do so to talk to my friend, to share, to emote and to feel.

He is my comrade, the one who knows the real me

Reassuring me always saying, “I am here for thee”


I strain my mind with gawky musings and demented spree

In the twilight I sleep; to enter another realm where I fly free

I dream of driving on the highroad with wind in my hair

I find myself sleeping in the garage by the dawn, thereof I do not care


Treed I am into solitude, I lack the usual congeniality

Blacked out I get very often, science calls it a split personality

Call it emotions in my mind or chemicals in my brain,

Every soul is special, never call one insane.

Aicha My sister

Let’s stop whining and get out our act together” is what I said one day. Now the life is back to normal. I have found the perfect companion to keep loneliness aloof . An exercise, a simple stretch of the facial muscles around the lips accompanied by widening  of eyes with a degree of dilation in the pupils. This gesture internally  connects with all the organs of the body and then one feels like he has been presented with love of all the world. This is a very simple exercise and it is called smiling.

Now, again,  I have come to believe that my life is all botched up, and it is because of me. If things have to get back to normal, it must be done by myself and it is in none the  power to set me straight. No matter what “Rehab” I run into, and how many counseling sessions  I go through. I must have that want to become better. I  should smile, I should live, I should love, to feel love.There is so much in this world to learn, to explore, to share and most importantly, to get busy with. Why waste life complaining on things. There are issue of major concern, the real complaints, the ones that actually matter.

People are famished, there is ignorance everywhere, blind believes circumventing minds to surmount the feeling of universal brotherhood. There is tension.

There is a side which is supposedly the savior, the superman of the world who wants to suck all that is present in the deep rich mines, and there is a side which believes that they should fight for their religion and die as they do to attain Nirvana which is supposedly is filled with wine and beautiful women.

There is a quarrel between two groups over taking hold of a land that each claim to be of the religious origin.

There is side that is all so good to neighbors with good foreign policies and highly educated representatives who seem to overlook the fundamental problem,

and there is group which wants to uphold its heritage and thinks that can be done by building temples, monuments and by destroying those of other communities.

Why are we not looking at what we indeed are? We are no subject of a super power, we are no Hindus or Muslims or Christians, we are no Jews. Humans are what we are. The only enemy we all have to fight is Poverty as Dr. A.P.J. Abdul kalam states.

Here is a beautiful song for you all to go back smiling while you move out of this page.  Aicha from Outlandish.

[Verse1]
So sweet, so beautiful
Everyday like a queen on her throne
Don’t nobody knows how she feels
Aicha, Lady one day it will be real

She moves, she moves like a breeze
I swear I can’t get her out of my dreams
To have her shining here by my side
I’d sacrifice all them tears in my eyes

[Chorus]

Aicha Aicha – passing me by (there she goes again)
Aicha Aicha – my my my (is it really real)
Aicha Aicha – smile for me now
Aicha Aicha – in my life

[Verse2]

She holds her child to her heart
Makes her feel like she is blessed from above
Falls asleep underneath her sweet tears
Her lullaby fades away with his fears

[1/2Chorus]

[Bridge]

She needs somebody to lean on
Someone body, mind & soul
To take her hand, to take her world
And show her the time of her life, so true
Throw the pain away for good
No more contemplating boo

[Verse3]

Lord knows the way she feels
Everyday in his name she begins
To have her shining here by my side
I’d sacrifice all them tears in my eyes
Aicha Aicha – ecoute moi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8krO7Q3vSys Is the link to the song.

To all the sisters out there ECOUTE MOI 🙂

I tried to tell you

The first ray of brilliance shone on my tender eyes

Perplexed and horrified I was to feel first breeze on the face

Craving for milk, I let out the cries

Embrace you did me in your arms to bring me the solace

At times of miseries when I felt helpless bearing a frown

I had a supernatural power backing me, of which I had no clue.

In your defence I could turn this world upside down

Mother, still I owe you an explanation. I tried to tell you

I felt that warmth, a feel unparalleled, that kiss on my forehead.

Your tache stung my delicate skin, made me cry out of pain,

too nescient to see that you were only helping me put on the warrior hood,

to endure, to survive, to succeed I learnt, and also to keep away the strain

Hints I picked up from you to spot silver lining of every dark cloud,

Your wisdom, your prophecy, it all turned out to be true

Sailing my way on this endeavor to make you feel proud

Father, still I owe you an explanation. I tried to tell you.

One angel, one companion, and one lover you were to me those days

Seeing me till the front gates of the school, kissing me a good bye.

True love I found returning back home, in my heart you were the ace

Homework I had to finish thus had to leave you like a sly.

The facial I had, treated all over by your sticky oral secretion

Bearing all colours of the wind red, green and blue

You could have lived longer, if demise was under my discretion

Tommy, still I owe you an explanation. I tried to tell you

A little confession on my part, for all the mistakes I did which have no explanations.